But not because I don't WANT to do it. Because I've thought and thought and thought and decided I'm right...it's too much, too soon and some of the things I want to do won't be possible in a day. Instead, I'm doing 100 things in 1 year. I can't do the 100 things in 1001 days because frankly, that's too long and I'll lose my umph. Not that I even have my umph yet but I'm hoping to either acquire some or buy some at the umph store today. I really need the umph.
I'm also thinking that I need a theme for this. A "stepping out of my comfort zone" thing or a "what the hell am I thinking" theme. I'm working on that. I could do a simple, "100 things to do to torture my children in 1 year" theme but that wouldn't be nice. Fun, but not nice. So I'm working on the theme and working on the things and my goal is to have them done by the end of the week.
On a similar note...I've spent the last few months taking care of my mom and really thinking about her life. The person she was, the person I saw and the person I wanted her to be. It's taught me a lot and damn if I didn't get the chance to tell her before she passed. I wanted to but I didn't want her to be sad. I did tell her many things and some things I didn't need to because she just knew. We were close and though she was a far better person than I can ever hope to be, she thought I was okay and saw the good in me even when I was a royal bitch.
My mother lived her life FOR EVERYONE ELSE. Her parents. Her husband. Her children. Her grandchildren. She moved to GA to help me with my kids so I could work when she was in her late 60's. In 2001 she had routine open heart surgery to replace her mitro-valve and stroked. Her life changed completely. So my mother spent HER WHOLE LIFE taking care of others and doing things for other people. She truly never had any free time to do what she wanted without the responsibility of others. At the point of her stroke she was helping me and then 9 years later she died and she never got the chance to just live her life for herself. That breaks my heart.
I've been thinking about that. In some ways, I've sort of done that since getting married. I gave up my career shortly after her stroke because of 911 - I felt uncomfortable traveling while my husband was doing the same. I stayed home and became a full time mom. I've been 'waiting' for my kids to grow up. Waiting until they could stay home alone and then maybe I could take some time for me. Then with my mother needing me, I waited more. Now my kids are older but I haven't felt like I can stop waiting because the girls are teenagers and they almost need me more even though they don't see it that way. Also, my husband has had a great career and I have been waiting until it is set and then I can do for me. Now his career has shifted and he's started his own business so alas, I wait again.
I don't want to wait and wait until I am dead and can't do what's right for me. I'm not as selfless as my mother. I don't like waiting. And the problem is, I've become so accustomed to it, so BORED, that I really don't feel like I want to do anything.
So that's the reason for the 100 things in 1 year.
Here's where you insert the shit to another subject:
I just purchased a DVD for T Tapping. It's "a total body workout that can deliver major inch-loss quickly". My sister in law swears by it. She said she lost 1 inch on her butt last week. I could do cardio and weights for 24 hours a day for a year and not do that. So the DVD is $20 right now and I bought it. I'll have it in 8 days (shipping is like snail mail with UPS these days unless you pay out the wazoo). I'm going to do it. It's 15 minutes a day and since I'm bored and waiting, 15 minutes shouldn't break my time bank, right? Just something to add to my weight loss program that really should be considered a weight gain program.
Apparently I have to (eeks!) MEASURE MY BODY before I start and then measure again in a week. I'm worried that the first measuring will send me into a major depression and I'll eat myself to my death but I'm going to hide myself in my bathroom, measure and then cry until I can't cry any more and then T Tap. For those of you hundreds of people who read this silly blog (not!) the website is http://www.t-tapp.com/
I have to figure out how to link on this thing.
Okay. So that's where I'm at. I've got to run now and figure out what to put on my list and what theme to go with. Wish me luck. I need it!
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