The Long & Winding Road to Better Health

People who know me know I used to work out a lot. One good friend (Tammy, I won't mention your name) calls me the work out queen. She may have been right before but lately, not so much. I used to work out daily with a friend at a gym close to my house. Then my husband moved us to another county and the drive in the metro Atlanta traffic was too much so I stopped going. The club options here were sparse at best and I couldn't find a gym I felt comfortable with. I did end up at a Y, once it finally opened. I started back into a routine but being the stand-offish woman I am, I hadn't really made any friends there and for me, working out is better, easier and more fun with friends. Needless to say, I stopped doing what I enjoyed. Eventually I started up again, sporadically but at least I was doing something. Eventually another gym opened and I started going to it, though I wasn't really making friends. I'm just not good at that, I guess.

Life got in the way and I found other things to do with my time and then the $h!t hit the fan and life through two lousy curve balls and any thought or interest in exercise went out the window.

It's taken me nine months since the last curve ball to get back on track. It's actually funny because after the first curve ball, it took nine months too and then two months and 15 pounds less later, that second curve ball did me in. It's okay though. I've started tackling things from a different perspective and it seems to be working. Sometimes it's all a matter of mind games.

I had made a plan to start exercising prior to the end of 2010. I'm an excellent planner. I can plan anything to a T. My problem isn't the planning. It's the executing. I'm okay at it if there is an immediate gratification but if the result is long term, I tend to lose patience and stop. It's a psychological block I share with many but still it frustrates me that I'm that way.

I didn't actually 'start' the plan (albeit revised tremendously) until March 1st. I'd normally start something on a Monday but instead I decided to start on the first of a month. Change one to my psychological make up. Well, sort of.

Yes, I had a plan. No, it wasn't totally defined anymore but still, I knew I had to do something at some point. That's sort of a plan, right? The actual push that started me was my mirror. You know how people who have lost 100 or more pounds say they had a turning point, an ah-ha moment, an epiphany? I'm not sure but I think I had one (even though I only wanted to lose about 30 lbs but still worthy of an epiphany in my book).

I looked in the mirror one day, my pants fitting tighter than I'd like and a shirt pulled down low to cover my uncomfortableness. I've never been one to show off my figure but hiding it to the degree I felt I was was even pushing it for me. I looked in the mirror and thought, "I don't look that bad." Then I realized that's what people who have lost control of their weight, lost control of their health, must say. "I don't look that bad." And it freaked me out.

Truthfully, no, I don't look that bad. I'm not into the double digits of size. For many, my desire to lose weight is laughable. I get that. It's not about what others see or really, what the scale or number of my size is. It's about how I feel about me. How I feel physically. How I feel emotionally. How my health is. It's about my psychological make up and what I've done to myself, outside circumstances aside, to become what I am today. And really, I finally realized I don't really like what I've become. It's simply not me.

So on March 1st, I quietly started making changes to myself. My first change was to not tell anyone I was making changes. I've found if I speak of my goals, I psych myself out in some way to not follow them and end up looking like the boy who cried wolf, except more womanly. Instead, I kept my mouth shut for a change (which is never easy for an Italian woman, trust me) and did it. I stopped eating sugar and refined carbs. No breads, no pasta, no packaged foods. No fruits. I went with a close version of the South Beach Diet because it's about eating healthy and while I can't have certain things like fruits, I can add them back eventually and be happy. I'm not 'depriving' myself of anything of quality, designed to be good for my body, except the fruit and whole grains. It's temporary.

South Beach is designed to cut the sugar addiction from your body in a two week period. I know me and I know that two weeks wasn't going to be enough. My initial goal was to cut it until April 1st and then start adding fruits and whole grains back in. That is still my plan. I thought it would be hard. I thought I'd miss it. I thought I'd be cranky and bitchy and irritable and mean. I thought I'd cheat. I most always cheat on things like this.

I. Have. Not. Cheated. Once. Not. Once.

I'm on day 24 and I haven't had any cravings for any sugars. I miss bread a little but not enough to make it worth cheating. I'm not sure what I did but I've convinced myself that when I'm ready, I will add the bread back in slowing so this isn't a forever thing and I can do it. It's worked. I don't feel deprived. Yes, every so often I want to go out to eat and I do. I've had fajitas a few times but don't eat the tortillas. I've watched my family eat mountain sized scoops of ice cream and chips with cheese dip and don't break out in a sweat wanting it, nor do I try to sneak any of it. I'm so freaking proud of myself I can't tell you!

It took a few days before anyone noticed. My husband mentioned something when I wasn't eating rice and I told him. He wasn't shocked because I've done this before but I think it surprised him that I didn't tell him. Normally I'd complain or 'jones' for something but generally, I've been okay.

I've had to figure out my triggers during this time. I've noticed that while I do 'want' certain things at certain times, it's a mental craving, not a physical craving. I've not felt a physical need for sugar. Sometimes I get frustrated, bored, lonely, mad, happy, sad, anxious...then I say, "I deserve a bag of M&M's" but I've realized the trick my mind is playing on me and I don't let it take hold. Progress. Figuring out my triggers has helped. I've been able to work through the emotion without the food (though boredom is sometimes a challenge) and have done well to date.

I didn't start exercising when I gave up the sugar and refined carbs. I didn't want to go full force like I always have because it's always created the crash and burn syndrome for me. Instead I waited two weeks and then I started exercising. First just cardio for 30-45 minutes five days a week because frankly, I'm out of shape. I didn't want to start back to spinning and weights daily because I knew I'd either injure myself or exhaust myself enough to quick. I started increasing the cardio to consistently be 45 minutes and then started adding some easy weightlifting back into my program. Today, for example, I didn't do cardio. I should have but I mixed up my leg routine to be higher weights and my legs are exhausted. I knew I'd be tired and I knew my heart rate would be high and I didn't want to push myself too hard. I plan to at least go for a walk later today.

I'm using my Polar heart rate monitor watch and keeping track of my calorie burn. Last week I set a goal to burn 200-400 more calories a day but I didn't reach it. It was a tough goal. I met it one day and didn't feel that normal rush of adrenaline afterward. I just felt tired and took that as a single that maybe it was too much. Instead I'm planning to add a little more calorie burn daily next week.

I also had no intention of weighing myself until April 1st. I hadn't weighed since my dad died last summer and knew I'd piled back on the 15 lbs I'd lost since gaining the weight from my mom's death (and maybe more) and honestly, I was afraid the scale would depress me and then I'd give up. Normally I'd be on the scale daily, freaking out with any slight change.

I know I've lost weight. My clothes fit better and I've reduced my bra size. Thank God. BUT...I had a plan to not weigh until April 1st and I couldn't stick to it. I had to know. Not knowing for sure what I weighed when I started, I went off the weight of my last time and figured I'd lost about 12 lbs in 16 or so days. Excellent. I weighed myself two more times and today the scale was higher and I was pissed. I know there are reasons for this...water retention, muscle, etc. etc. etc., yet it still played with my head and I've decided to stick to my original thoughts. It's not about what the scale says. It's about how I feel and how my clothes fit. Since those two are improving, I've got to not let the scale screw with me. Today, I'm working on that thought process and controlling it.

I don't know how long I'll continue this. I'd like to stick to my new way of eating until certain clothes fit but if I get to a point where I want to start eating the fruits and whole grains badly enough, I may. Everything in moderation. Right? I'm not sure if I can do that so I've really got to work on that process.

I've made a lot of changes in these past 24 days. Some aren't obvious to others but for me, they're changes. Mostly I've changed my way of thinking about things. It's not just the physical and nutritional changes, which, while important, aren't the main focus of my change. It's the psychological changes that are directing my actions. Instead of letting my mind work against me, I'm finding ways to change my way of thinking, change my self talk and the mind games I play against myself. So far, I'm winning that battle and it feels good.

Fitness & Nutrition Principles of Carolyn

I've been working on this for some time...the exercise plan, that is. So I'm posting what I'm going to do...let's hope I have the gumption!

Fitness & Nutrition Principles

Fitness Principles

Cardio: 45-60 minutes six days a week (mix it up so as not to do the same type of cardio daily)
Weights: (see exercise plan below)

1.Three days of full body compound exercises supplemented with smaller muscle exercise in superset/cardio interval style with four sets of each exercise.
2.1 minute rest between sets
3.Keep a journal of progress

Nutrition Principles

1.Drink eight 8oz glasses of water daily (not including replenishing of water loss during work out)
2.Eat five small means every 2-3 hours
3.Eliminate sugars except for one snack daily
4.Maximum of 1200 calories daily (approximately 200 calories per meal plus sugar snack)
5.Eliminate soda
6.Eliminate whites (flour, bread, pasta) stick with whole grains only
7.Eat a protein and complex carb at each meal
8.Reduce processed foods as much as possible and increase veggies
9.Take multi-vitamin and calcium twice daily
10.Take Flaxseed or Fish oil daily
11.Keep a journal

 


Monday (approximately 45 minutes)
EXERCISE
Bench Press
Lunges
Crunches
Squats w/Bicep Curls
Military Press
Back Extension
Push Ups w/One Arm Raise
Plank
Dead Lifts


Wednesday (approximately 50 minutes)
EXERCISE
Bent-over Rows
V-Sits
Lunges w/Side Shoulder Raise
Captains Chair
Leg Press
Chest Press
Inner/Outer Thigh
Push Ups
Leg Extension
Oblique Twists

Friday (approximately 50 minutes)
EXERCISE
Cable Row
Walking Lunges
Tricep Pull Downs
Lat Pull Down
Barbell Shoulder Press
Cable Crunch (Abs)
Barbell Bicep Curls
Squats
Bent-Over Low Pulley Side Lateral
Leg Press

Diets DON'T work!

Really. I know this for a fact. Medical, scientific, personal fact. I can verify that every single diet I've tried has not worked. Temporarily? Maybe but I have not once kept the little weight I've lost off and yes, I've done what everyone else complains about...put on even more. So I'm done. D....O...N...E...DONE!

The Oxygen 10 lbs in 21 days? Sure, I'm sure I could lose the weight. Who wouldn't? You are required to eat so much fiber and drink so much water there's no way you can't lose weight. Then again, you'll spend that 21 days on the toilet and I guess you have to ask yourself, is it worth it?

Let's take a quick look at each diet I've tried...Oxygen's as mentioned above. South Beach. Atkins. Weight Watchers. NutriSystem (GROSS!) Suzanne Summers. Eat Clean Diet. Body For Life. The Zone. Flush the Fat. The Biggest Loser. Five Factor. I've even recently ordered the Acai berry and cleanse thing I've seen all over FB. (Yes, I've been THAT desperate!) So far, none (sans the last) have worked. To name a few...

Why? Because one cannot stay on a diet forever. So let's change the way we're looking at this.

Really, all of these (but a few really freaky diet ideas) have the same concepts in mind:
1. Eliminate whites (sugar, bread, flower, pasta, etc.)
2. Drink at least 8 8oz glasses of water daily
3. Eat veggies
4. Eat good fats
5. Eat five to six small means a day consisting of a complex carb and a lean protein, fish or chicken
7. Cut the sweets (goes into #1 but bears mentioning again!)
8. Exercise (weight bearing exercising and cardio exercise) at least 5 times weekly
9. Eliminate processed foods
10. Eliminate soda (diet and regular)

SIMPLE. Right? Should be except you have to have the want. You can't do anything without the want. And after the want, you have to have the gumption. Gumption is what makes a diet work.

Wanting is important. Gumption makes you ACT on the want. I want to lose weight. I want to be in the shape I was a few years ago. I want to feel better physically and mentally. I want to take better care of myself. But I've not had the gumption to follow through on it. I've certainly had the gumption to complain about it but that's about it.

So I've decided, with my personal training background and all of the research I've done on nutrition (I have almost every book ever written on it, trust me!) I am going to design MY OWN weight loss and better health program based on the 9 principles listed above and see how that works for me.

I've got a nutrition and weight training journal and I'm going to use it - including weigh myself and take those nasty photos that no one ever, ever wants anyone to see until they don't look like that anymore (except Jillian Michaels. She got rid of hers entirely. Wuss ass!)

I'm going to start designing the program today and I'm going to post the official Carolyn's Cut the Crap Better Health program on my blog. Then I'm going to track it - from the lies, to the motivations, to the screw ups, on this blog and HOPEFULLY I'll find this to be a successful route. Between us, (don't tell anyone else, please), I'm kind of tired of the lack of success.

Wish me luck!

The 100 Things in 100 Days is OUTTA HERE!

But not because I don't WANT to do it. Because I've thought and thought and thought and decided I'm right...it's too much, too soon and some of the things I want to do won't be possible in a day. Instead, I'm doing 100 things in 1 year. I can't do the 100 things in 1001 days because frankly, that's too long and I'll lose my umph. Not that I even have my umph yet but I'm hoping to either acquire some or buy some at the umph store today. I really need the umph.

I'm also thinking that I need a theme for this. A "stepping out of my comfort zone" thing or a "what the hell am I thinking" theme. I'm working on that. I could do a simple, "100 things to do to torture my children in 1 year" theme but that wouldn't be nice. Fun, but not nice. So I'm working on the theme and working on the things and my goal is to have them done by the end of the week.

On a similar note...I've spent the last few months taking care of my mom and really thinking about her life. The person she was, the person I saw and the person I wanted her to be. It's taught me a lot and damn if I didn't get the chance to tell her before she passed. I wanted to but I didn't want her to be sad. I did tell her many things and some things I didn't need to because she just knew. We were close and though she was a far better person than I can ever hope to be, she thought I was okay and saw the good in me even when I was a royal bitch.

My mother lived her life FOR EVERYONE ELSE. Her parents. Her husband. Her children. Her grandchildren. She moved to GA to help me with my kids so I could work when she was in her late 60's. In 2001 she had routine open heart surgery to replace her mitro-valve and stroked. Her life changed completely. So my mother spent HER WHOLE LIFE taking care of others and doing things for other people. She truly never had any free time to do what she wanted without the responsibility of others. At the point of her stroke she was helping me and then 9 years later she died and she never got the chance to just live her life for herself. That breaks my heart.

I've been thinking about that. In some ways, I've sort of done that since getting married. I gave up my career shortly after her stroke because of 911 - I felt uncomfortable traveling while my husband was doing the same. I stayed home and became a full time mom. I've been 'waiting' for my kids to grow up. Waiting until they could stay home alone and then maybe I could take some time for me. Then with my mother needing me, I waited more. Now my kids are older but I haven't felt like I can stop waiting because the girls are teenagers and they almost need me more even though they don't see it that way. Also, my husband has had a great career and I have been waiting until it is set and then I can do for me. Now his career has shifted and he's started his own business so alas, I wait again.

I don't want to wait and wait until I am dead and can't do what's right for me. I'm not as selfless as my mother. I don't like waiting. And the problem is, I've become so accustomed to it, so BORED, that I really don't feel like I want to do anything.

So that's the reason for the 100 things in 1 year.

Here's where you insert the shit to another subject:

I just purchased a DVD for T Tapping. It's "a total body workout that can deliver major inch-loss quickly". My sister in law swears by it. She said she lost 1 inch on her butt last week. I could do cardio and weights for 24 hours a day for a year and not do that. So the DVD is $20 right now and I bought it. I'll have it in 8 days (shipping is like snail mail with UPS these days unless you pay out the wazoo). I'm going to do it. It's 15 minutes a day and since I'm bored and waiting, 15 minutes shouldn't break my time bank, right? Just something to add to my weight loss program that really should be considered a weight gain program.

Apparently I have to (eeks!) MEASURE MY BODY before I start and then measure again in a week. I'm worried that the first measuring will send me into a major depression and I'll eat myself to my death but I'm going to hide myself in my bathroom, measure and then cry until I can't cry any more and then T Tap. For those of you hundreds of people who read this silly blog (not!) the website is http://www.t-tapp.com/

I have to figure out how to link on this thing.

Okay. So that's where I'm at. I've got to run now and figure out what to put on my list and what theme to go with. Wish me luck. I need it!