In Search of a New Starbucks!

Remember that show, Cheers? Where everyone knows your name? That's my Starbucks. The people there (the behind the counter ones. I don't really talk to the patrons because I'm really shy, actually!)...oh, sorry. Okay, the people there are great. They talk to their customers. They engage their customers. They are happy and bright and shiny people who make a person want to come back to their location for reasons other than only the coffee. Plus, they make a mean-a** tall non-fat with whip two pump mocha, which is very important in my world. I love going to my Starbucks. Most of the time, I don't even want the mocha. I just want someplace to go and that's where the car takes me. I'm sure if I had a full time job I'd feel differently but for me, it's part of my social interaction for the day. Truthfully, most of the time I don't even finish the mocha, though I do get every single bit of the whip cream I can because that's just yummy. I just simply like the people.

But now it's time to find a new location. Some of the people there are now my FB friends. I like that. It's fun to interact and you learn funny things, like one calls her boyfriend creepy and one thinks those Star Wars of Star Trek events are fun. One has trouble not spilling and one likes Pandora almost as much as I do. One suffers from the same tendinitis issue as I do which makes me feel a special bond. Anyone who suffers my annoying and sometimes painful issue gets nothing but respect from me. So as I said, it's fun to have them as my FB friends.

Who knew there would be one of them actually reading my blog? That's just not right.

How can I go into my Starbucks and order the yummy, wonderful Morning Bun and be told NO! Yes, you read that right. My Starbucks friend told me I COULD NOT have my Morning Bun. She read my blog about my efforts to control my weight and said I couldn't have one. I considered jumping over the counter and stealing one but it's a big counter and I can't really jump that high. Plus, I didn't want to split my shorts.

I just can't mix my blog life with my Starbucks life. They're two separate things and must remain that way. She broke the cycle. She crossed that very small, very fine line between what I want for myself long term and that immediate, spontaneous desire to snarf down a Morning Bun because it's there, looking all yummy and needy. Really, who has the right to cross that line? I certainly would never hold anyone accountable in the Morning Bun department. Hey, they're your buns people, have at them, right? But no, she had to go and be all supportive and motivating and guilt me into no bun. I considered reporting her to the Starbucks police because she was stopping a sale but she did suggest I eat the yogurt.

Yogurt schmogurt. What's that when you can have a Morning Bun?

I mean, have you ever seen a one? It's a flaky, light, yummy, sugary, cinnamon type doughy thing filled with delight and yumminess.


Resisting the urge to have one is like sitting in a movie that's just at the climax yet you have to pee so bad you can barely concentrate. It's an evil, terrible feeling and yogurt just ain't gonna make it better.

Yogurt schmogurt. Plu-eeze.

So I have a plan. Since I'm on this darn 'eating better' thing and my current Starbucks location is so darn supportive, I'm going to switch. There are three within a mile of each other, so it's not like I have to travel far. I'll go to one where Morning Buns call to me and I can give in to my weakness without hearing that little "NO!" from across the counter. I'll spend my mornings happy, bun in hand, joyfully licking my fingers after I've consumed every last, sugary crumb, just slightly freaked out by the scary guy watching me do so. He's not going to interrupt my little bit of Heaven. And I won't talk to these Starbucks people. They won't be my friends. I won't tell them my silly stories. I won't friend them on FB. It will be strictly business. Mocha, Bun. Nothing more. Maybe a Peppermint Mocha for the season but nothing more. I can do it.

And if I can't, I can always go to My Starbucks, get my mocha and conversation and then go to the other location for the morning bun. Probably I'll get the bun first. They don't have many and they sell out quick.

See, if you just think things through, there's always a solution.

Health Insurance Doesn't Cover Stupid

Just one of those silly FB and email things...


***********FOODOLOGY***************

What is your salad dressing of choice?
Balsamic Vinegarette

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
Cinco

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Mexican

What is your favorite pizza toppings?
Green pepper, black olives, crumbled sausage, tomatoes, spinach

What do you like to put on your toast?
Smuckers Mixed Fruit Jelly which they only sell in those little packets anymore and that really yanks my chain.

***********TECHNOLOGY***************

How many televisions are in your house?
Currently hooked up to cable: 4
Currently in use for VCR only: 1
Currently in the house but not in use though still working: 2

What color is your cellphone?
Black with a blue case

Do you have an iPod?
Yes, an I-touch. Best invention ever.


***************BIOLOGY******************

Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Left

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
a baby, scar tissue, cysts

What is the last heavy item you lifted?
bags of my mother's clothes

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Briefly when my dog dragged me out of the vet and I hit a pole with my not so hard head.

************BULLOLOGY**************

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
No.

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Foxy Roxy.

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
No. The hospital bill would be more expensive and health insurance doesn't cover stupid.

**************FAVORITOLOGY****************

Season?
Fall

Holiday?
Doesn't really matter

Day of the week?
Monday when the kids go back to school

Month?
Who cares.


***********CURRENTOLOGY*****************

Missing someone?
Yes, many people like my parents in Indy but mostly my mom who I won't see again for a very long time.

Mood?
Varies often due to increasing PMS

What are you listening to?
The ceiling fan

Current worry?
If my husband's company will ever make money and if we can survive without it not making money for much longer.
***************RANDOMOLOGY*****************

First place you went this morning?
Downstairs to steam clean dog puke.

What's the last movie you saw?
The Ugly Truth

***************OTHER-OLOGY*****************

How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
None. I don't wear them. I hate having something between my toes. Ew.

Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
We got pulled over coming back from my mom's memorial service and when he asked my husband where we were coming back from and we told him, he said, "Drive safely". Nice cop.

Last person you talked to?
My daughter Morgan who is making me nutty right now.

Last person you hugged?
My husband before he went to dinner at a place I like but he didn't ask me to go. Bastard. :)

Do you always answer your phone?
No, usually never.

It's four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Someone drunk texting the wrong number!

If you could change your eye color what would it be?
I like my eye color. It's a pretty blue.

Do you own a digital camera?
Two

Have you ever had a pet fish?
Several but my husband boiled the last few on accident.

Favorite Christmas song(s)?
Yikes. I hate Christmas songs.

What's on your wish list for your birthday?
Thin thighs.

Can you do push ups?
Yup but I don't like to.

Can you do the splits?
I haven't in some time but I could again, I'm sure. Though I don't know if I could GET UP from them.

Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
excited and nervous

Do you have any saved texts?
I did but not on this phone. I saved the ones where my husband says he loves me without me saying it first. Sad, I know.

Have you ever been in a car accident?
Yes.

Do you have an accent?
Of course, to foreigners I do.

What is the last movie to make you cry?
Marley & Me.

Plans tonight?
Hide from everyone.

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Repeatedly based on different circumstances.

Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
Coffee, a morning bun, a water.

Have you ever been given roses?
Yes.

Met someone who changed your life?
Yes, my husband.

What song represents you?
Right Now by Van Halen. Or at least I'd like it ot.

Name two people who might complete this?
No one. No one reads my blog.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Yes, to spend the last year of my mom's life with her doing things differently.

Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
Several people.

Do you have any tattoos/piercings?
5 ear piercings, 1 belly button piercing and 1 tattoo.

Does anyone love you?
I'd like to think they do.

Would you be a pirate?
No.

What songs do you sing in the shower?
Journey or BoDeans.

Ever had someone sing to you?
Yes.

When did you last cry?
Today, while packing up my mother's things.

Do you like to cuddle?
Sometimes.

Have you held hands with anyone today?
No.

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
My husband.

Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
Both.

Do you like pulpy orange juice?
Yes

What is something your friends make fun of you for?
EVERY FREAKING THING THEY CAN THINK OF!

When Life Gives You Lemons, Throw Them in the Face of Someone Who Really Pisses You Off!

It has not been a good week but not for lack of trying. Some say it's hard to remain positive and have a good outlook on life when your mother dies. Yeah, I can see that but I have really, really tried hard to keep focused on the normalcy of my life even though there's this huge, empty space in my heart where my mother once lived. Now she's gone and the world, surprisingly goes on without her. And that really pisses me off.

I see her things...her shoes on the floor in the den. They just sit there, almost waiting for her to put them on. The shoes don't move. Neither does her robe hanging in the closet waiting to be worn again. Suddenly these items have taken on a life for me. I touch them, try to find her smell in them but get nothing but fabric softener. Maybe clothes washing is over rated?

I give these things life but the world does not. It continues to move and function with one less person and virtually no sadness for the loss. Me, I'm on auto-pilot most of the day, doing my best to function normally, acting as if my mother being dead is no big deal. Life must go on, right? There's bills to pay, businesses to start, bowling for .97 cents a game. The car needed an oil change and the kids needed haircuts. What is supposed to happen has to happen. It's the process.

Screw the process. Really. I'm over it. I sit up at night, staring into the shadows on my wall, hoping my mother will appear and look happy, healthy and at peace. She doesn't and it's a pretty good chance she never will but still, I look. It's better than closing my eyes and trying to sleep. Nights and mornings are the hardest. I'll make it through - already have. It's been one week and almost one full day of my life without my mom and well, I'm still breathing so I figure there's only the rest of my life to go.

One would think that during this time, things would be easier for me. I'd get support and help and consideration. One would think. And to be honest, I have from many people, some entirely unexpected and for all of them, I am truly grateful.

What's surprising to me is the way that I'm expected to just move on like nothing has happened, continue to focus on everyone else, as always - and not get pissed off that I have to do that. That maybe, for the next few weeks or so, I might need a little kindness, not pressure, not aruging, not the expectation to be the person I was on June 29th, the day before my life changed completely. That I should put my needs, my feelings and my heartbreak aside because, well, others have stuff going on too, you know. Their lives do not revolve around me yet, I'm still supposed to make sure mine does around them.

Maybe people are just trying to keep everything normal, like nothing ever happened...maybe so I can feel normal but the thing is, I will never, ever feel that kind of normal again. Life as I lived it before is over. This is a new phase, the one without a mom and someone has to understand that and help me find my way in this new phase without expecting too much from me right now.

If you know anyone like that, please let me know. I'd like to rent them.

I'd like to complain more but for reasons I can't explain, I feel badly for doing it as much as I have already in this blog so I won't.

To the people who have been there for me and all of my wonderful FB friends who sent me cards, emails, flowers...you have shown me a side of humanity I truly forgot existed and I am very grateful to that.

Parenting has Become a Joke.

Today I read a syndicated column in the AJC. I don't typically read the AJC however it was on the table at Starbucks and I thought I'd pass the time while enjoying the extra whipped cream on my mocha. Yum, I get a craving just mentioning the words. Oh, sorry. Back on track.

The column is a parenting column written by some psychologist or something or other named Rosemond. I went to his website (www.rosemond.com) because I felt a pressing need to respond to his column. I couldn't. What a bummer. Instead, I'll respond here.

This weeks column was about dinner. The concept of dinner is that the parent makes a meal for all family members to eat and all family members eat it. He goes on to say that many people feed their children different things for one reason or another. One woman apparently feeds her kid hot dogs or something because the meal she makes everyone else gives him reflux. Rosemond's response was to feed the kid what everyone else gets and put a basket next to him. When he's done throwing up, make him start eating the regular meal again.

I almost peed on myself when I read this.

I guess I'm old school. Maybe it's my type A personality. I'm not sure which but I do not believe that kids should be given everything and catered to. We eat what I make and if you don't like it, fine but don't expect anything else. There are a few things that I do that my kids, especially my teenagers, think make me a terribly cruel parent. I'm hopeful someday they'll see it differently.

Here's the terrible things I do to my children:
1. I make them do chores every day. They clean the kitchen up in the morning and evening. They also feed the animals. On the weekends they have a few other chores like dusting, cleaning their bathroom, emptying cat liter, etc. And the hook, I DO NOT GIVE THEM AN ALLOWANCE. Each member of this family is responsible for maintaining the integrity and cleanliness of this home. Everyone must do their part to contribute. I don't get an allowance for cleaning and frankly, why should they? They can receive an allowance for chores over and above their regular ones but often do not want to do that. They expect to be paid because they're friends receive money for doing nothing. I've suggested if they want things that way to sit down with those parents and see if they can adopt them.

2. I make my daughters (my son is only 10, he will start at 13) do their own laundry - once a week. How dare me.

3. I make my daughters pay for their cell phones. My 15 year old hasn't had the money (she doesn't babysit but that's an entirely different blog post for a later date)so instead of paying with cash, she pays with extra chores. She had the phone, free of charge for over 3 years and is paying for that. Right now she has the phone only when she leaves the house and she hates it. Our 17 year old has full access to her phone now - we used to take it away at night but since she's got a 3.8 GPA we decided she can have it all night but if her grades drop, it's ours after 10 PM. She has paid $22 a month for that phone since she got it in 7Th grade. Our son has a phone he does not pay for. He doesn't use it to call his friends. He doesn't text. He takes it with him when he's in the neighborhood so he has it to call me and tell me when he's going to someone else's house. He does it. I can call him on it and he answers. I'm not looking forward to the day that stops. Of course both girls feel this is unfair because they didn't have a phone at 10 and I continue to tell them they rarely left the house thus not requiring the need. My son walks in the door from school or wakes up in the summer and is usually gone until 6 PM. That phone is for MY personal comfort, not his.

3. I have a annual budget for clothing. Each kid gets a specific amount in the fall and spring. They can pick their own clothes but I don't go over that amount. One year for school my oldest spent $500 on one shirt, 2 pairs of jeans and two pairs of shoes. After she started working, she stopped buying such expensive clothes and realized the value of designer isn't all it's cracked up to be.

4. My children are required to put HALF of any money they get into savings FOR COLLEGE, not for ANYTHING else. My oldest works and each paycheck gets split in half. Oh, by the way, her cell phone bill and the car insurance she pays come out of her half as does the gas for the car she drives.

5. There are no TV's in our kids rooms.

6. "Because I said so" is a perfectly good explanation in my house and if they don't like it, that's just too bad.

7. We have a car that my daughter drives (mostly because she works until 11:30 at night and I don't want to pick her up) but she pays her gas. She also doesn't get up and leave when she wants and first must ask to use the car. She hates it but such is life. It's not a BMW. It's not a Volvo. It's a 2002 Mazda Tribute. She told me any car we got her "had to have a CD player because she needs one" and I must admit, I looked hard to find a car without one just because I thought that was pathetic. Sadly, they rarely make them without them anymore. She thinks it's wrong that she has to pay for her insurance coverage too.

8. We actually DO read our kids emails and text messages. We have a computer for our oldest and we just took off the parental controls so she could get a Facebook page. The other two use my computer when they need to and are not allowed to do so without my permission...it's password protected. My 15 year old wants a myspace and a Facebook page but has neither.

9. Our kids are actually paying for their college...we will pay part of it.


This is just some of the things that we do. I'm told by my kids how cruel we are and how no one else has any rules and while that may be true for some, I think it might be a slight exaggeration.

People believe they should be friends with their kids. It's not my job to be my child's friend. My job is to raise them in a healthy and secure manner, allowing them the opportunity to succeed in their lives and get the heck out of my house. I am required to keep them as safe as possible and make decisions for them they may not be able to make for themselves. I am not required to do whatever they want because they think I should nor am I required to keep up with the Joneses.

I truly believe that parents who overindulge their kids are doing a disservice to their children and in the long run, it will come back to bite them in the butt.

This is of course, just my opinion. I welcome yours.