Back in the days when I grew up, children were taught to respect adults. It wasn't an option to not respect an adult. Maybe I didn't always respect them but I never let on that I didn't. It just wasn't done. I could have been unique to this theory but based on recent conversations, I'm pretty sure I wasn't.
Today kids do not feel the need to show respect to adults. Often times they do just the opposite simply because they can. Any time my children have been disrespectful in my presence, I make sure to call them on it when appropriate. In my book, disrespecting adults is just wrong. (So is putting your elbows on the table while others are eating but that's an entirely different post.) I find it sad that today so many parents have not felt the sense of urgency to teach their children about respect.
Case in point: (I love writing that. It makes me feel official, like I'm the respect expert!) My 17 year old daughter has a boyfriend who my husband and I do not feel is a great choice for her. He's not a bad kid in any way, he's just simply not a good choice for our daughter. They have had some issues, as do most teenagers yet their relationship has survived almost two years. He's always been good at following the rules we've laid down for our daughter. She has a curfew. She needs to let us know where she's going...things most parents should expect from their child. We have always appreciated that respect for our rules and have expressed that to him from time to time.
A few months ago my husband totalled one of our cars, leaving us with two for three people driving. Shortly after that I stopped working full time, my mother got sick and my husband was laid off. The decision to buy another car was put on hold. My husband has since started his own business (www.abs-e.com) and since he's not traveling, we decided the extra expense without any income wasn't a good idea. Our daughter drives to school daily because our county redistricted us and she's now out of district. When necessary, my husband will use the car she's driving. It was purchased as a convenience to us for her use at our discretion. It is not 'her' car. Regardless of what she thinks! She works close to 30 hours a week at Starbucks (see previous post, it's one of my other locations!) and often until 11:30 at night so having this car for her to drive makes our lives much easier.
HOWEVER...because we're down to two cars, with five people in our family, it's a juggling game. Obviously. Our daughter's boyfriend is now in college about 30 minutes away from us and due to college rules, is not allowed to have his car at school. We made an agreement that she could take the car to see him every other weekend (not for the full weekend, just for one of the days and to return home that night) and that the other weekends he would have to come back to our area to see her. If of course, that's what they wanted. It was by no means a requirement on our part that he come back to see her.
We felt the need to make it clear that on the weekends he was here, she would not have access to the car. We're busy on the weekends with sports, errands, etc. and thought it was reasonable to accommodate their desire to see each other twice a month but the other weekends were his responsibility. After all, his car is at his parents house close by.
Apparently they did not feel our decision was the right one. She attempted to talk with us about it and we wouldn't budge so she called her boyfriend to let him know. A few minutes after that call, she came to her father with the phone, saying her boyfriend wanted to talk to him.
Oookkkaaayyy....first mistake.
He felt it was important that we understand his situation. He didn't have a job (quit his job this past winter and never got another one). He is paying for his own college and had to take out loans and is trying to sell his car so he doesn't want to invest anything else into it such as gas and mileage. How nice for him. He felt that we should allow her to use the car on the days that he's here because he believed we told them that before. They must have had something stuck in their ears during that conversation. Needless to say, my husband explained that while he appreciated his situation, it was a mute point. His family has four people, three who drive and three cars. We have five people, three who drive and two cars. Do the math. It would just be easier to have his parents pick him up at the bus station or leave his car for him but we were not going to allow her to do it. Maybe we were standing firm on something that we could have given in to but it would have been an inconvenience for us to plan around their schedule and we felt we were already doing that enough on the other weekends.
This did not go over well with the boyfriend. He got heated, quickly and proceeded to tell my husband to "F**K off." (Second mistake) I've never seen my husband jump out of his seat as quickly as he did. I'm certain if that 18 year old boy were standing in front of him instead of on the phone, he would have been on the floor, unconscious.
Really. Did his parents teach him that was acceptable? Way to win points with the parents, buddy.
I decided to write him an email because I wanted to do right by my daughter and since he would not give my husband any true opportunity to explain our situation (even though we didn't think he had to, he wanted to to be nice), I wanted him to understand. When I wrote him, I signed it "Mrs. Aspenson". He wrote back to "Carolyn". (third mistake) He commented in the email about "Jack" my husband, instead of "Mr. Aspenson". (fourth mistake)
He also continued to discuss why he felt we were wrong and how he is so incredibly independent but he just needs our daughter to help him with this one thing. Would he ask his parents to help? No. They raised him to be independent. Would he ask his friends for a ride? No. He doesn't want to use them that way. (???) Yet he will be the dependent boyfriend who finds it totally acceptable to rely on and use his girlfriend and her parents to help him be independent. (fifth mistake)
I should have stopped after my first email but I admit, I like to have the last word and continued. Apparently so does he. He continued to tell me that we have to earn his respect. (sixth mistake) Here comes a plethora of mistakes so don't lose count. That his parents taught him to be independent and make his own decisions and mistakes and that false consequences (ie: grounding) don't work and that my husband thinks of him as nothing but an inconvenience to his life and just wants what he wants. Here is an actual excerpt from one of his emails:
" Aside from that, Jack only views me as an inconvenience to the family, and there is nothing that I can now or ever could have done to change that. The fact is that, regardless of my tone with him, he will treat me generally the same way. He's impossible to talk to because all that he cares about is proving that he is right. I think that attempting to talk to him at all was the mistake that I made. I'm not trying to insult him or anything like that, these are my observations."
MY TONE WITH HIM? What tone does an 18 year old boy deem acceptable for a conversation with an adult?
Eventually I got so incredibly disgusted with his idiotic comments and sheer blindness to his stupidity I just said, enough. You're done. You are no longer welcome at our house and while I will not forbid my daughter from seeing you (we know how that works), I will no longer support her efforts to do so and she will no longer be allowed to use MY car in any way, shape or form to visit you. If you're so independent, show us that by figuring this out on your own.
It's been a month now and he's seen her once. He is coming home again this weekend and couldn't find a ride from the train or bus and she asked if she could pick him up. I told her no. I told her he created this situation and Mr. Independence there has to figure out a way to make it work.
I've also informed her that there is now a GPS tracking system placed on the car and that if she does decide to go against what we've said, she will be spending the remainder of her senior year at the school to which she is districted and take the bus. She will no longer have use of the car. I do not want to punish her and I explained that. I do, however, what her to understand that his actions have consequences that have impacted our family and her life and I am not going to allow him to continue to do that.
F***k off? Gotcha far, didn't it buddy?
Someone needs to tell his parents what a fine, respectful boy they're raised.
Friday, September 18, 2009
In Search of a New Starbucks!
Remember that show, Cheers? Where everyone knows your name? That's my Starbucks. The people there (the behind the counter ones. I don't really talk to the patrons because I'm really shy, actually!)...oh, sorry. Okay, the people there are great. They talk to their customers. They engage their customers. They are happy and bright and shiny people who make a person want to come back to their location for reasons other than only the coffee. Plus, they make a mean-a** tall non-fat with whip two pump mocha, which is very important in my world. I love going to my Starbucks. Most of the time, I don't even want the mocha. I just want someplace to go and that's where the car takes me. I'm sure if I had a full time job I'd feel differently but for me, it's part of my social interaction for the day. Truthfully, most of the time I don't even finish the mocha, though I do get every single bit of the whip cream I can because that's just yummy. I just simply like the people.
But now it's time to find a new location. Some of the people there are now my FB friends. I like that. It's fun to interact and you learn funny things, like one calls her boyfriend creepy and one thinks those Star Wars of Star Trek events are fun. One has trouble not spilling and one likes Pandora almost as much as I do. One suffers from the same tendinitis issue as I do which makes me feel a special bond. Anyone who suffers my annoying and sometimes painful issue gets nothing but respect from me. So as I said, it's fun to have them as my FB friends.
Who knew there would be one of them actually reading my blog? That's just not right.
How can I go into my Starbucks and order the yummy, wonderful Morning Bun and be told NO! Yes, you read that right. My Starbucks friend told me I COULD NOT have my Morning Bun. She read my blog about my efforts to control my weight and said I couldn't have one. I considered jumping over the counter and stealing one but it's a big counter and I can't really jump that high. Plus, I didn't want to split my shorts.
I just can't mix my blog life with my Starbucks life. They're two separate things and must remain that way. She broke the cycle. She crossed that very small, very fine line between what I want for myself long term and that immediate, spontaneous desire to snarf down a Morning Bun because it's there, looking all yummy and needy. Really, who has the right to cross that line? I certainly would never hold anyone accountable in the Morning Bun department. Hey, they're your buns people, have at them, right? But no, she had to go and be all supportive and motivating and guilt me into no bun. I considered reporting her to the Starbucks police because she was stopping a sale but she did suggest I eat the yogurt.
Yogurt schmogurt. What's that when you can have a Morning Bun?
I mean, have you ever seen a one? It's a flaky, light, yummy, sugary, cinnamon type doughy thing filled with delight and yumminess.
Resisting the urge to have one is like sitting in a movie that's just at the climax yet you have to pee so bad you can barely concentrate. It's an evil, terrible feeling and yogurt just ain't gonna make it better.
Yogurt schmogurt. Plu-eeze.
So I have a plan. Since I'm on this darn 'eating better' thing and my current Starbucks location is so darn supportive, I'm going to switch. There are three within a mile of each other, so it's not like I have to travel far. I'll go to one where Morning Buns call to me and I can give in to my weakness without hearing that little "NO!" from across the counter. I'll spend my mornings happy, bun in hand, joyfully licking my fingers after I've consumed every last, sugary crumb, just slightly freaked out by the scary guy watching me do so. He's not going to interrupt my little bit of Heaven. And I won't talk to these Starbucks people. They won't be my friends. I won't tell them my silly stories. I won't friend them on FB. It will be strictly business. Mocha, Bun. Nothing more. Maybe a Peppermint Mocha for the season but nothing more. I can do it.
And if I can't, I can always go to My Starbucks, get my mocha and conversation and then go to the other location for the morning bun. Probably I'll get the bun first. They don't have many and they sell out quick.
See, if you just think things through, there's always a solution.
But now it's time to find a new location. Some of the people there are now my FB friends. I like that. It's fun to interact and you learn funny things, like one calls her boyfriend creepy and one thinks those Star Wars of Star Trek events are fun. One has trouble not spilling and one likes Pandora almost as much as I do. One suffers from the same tendinitis issue as I do which makes me feel a special bond. Anyone who suffers my annoying and sometimes painful issue gets nothing but respect from me. So as I said, it's fun to have them as my FB friends.
Who knew there would be one of them actually reading my blog? That's just not right.
How can I go into my Starbucks and order the yummy, wonderful Morning Bun and be told NO! Yes, you read that right. My Starbucks friend told me I COULD NOT have my Morning Bun. She read my blog about my efforts to control my weight and said I couldn't have one. I considered jumping over the counter and stealing one but it's a big counter and I can't really jump that high. Plus, I didn't want to split my shorts.
I just can't mix my blog life with my Starbucks life. They're two separate things and must remain that way. She broke the cycle. She crossed that very small, very fine line between what I want for myself long term and that immediate, spontaneous desire to snarf down a Morning Bun because it's there, looking all yummy and needy. Really, who has the right to cross that line? I certainly would never hold anyone accountable in the Morning Bun department. Hey, they're your buns people, have at them, right? But no, she had to go and be all supportive and motivating and guilt me into no bun. I considered reporting her to the Starbucks police because she was stopping a sale but she did suggest I eat the yogurt.
Yogurt schmogurt. What's that when you can have a Morning Bun?
I mean, have you ever seen a one? It's a flaky, light, yummy, sugary, cinnamon type doughy thing filled with delight and yumminess.
Resisting the urge to have one is like sitting in a movie that's just at the climax yet you have to pee so bad you can barely concentrate. It's an evil, terrible feeling and yogurt just ain't gonna make it better.
Yogurt schmogurt. Plu-eeze.
So I have a plan. Since I'm on this darn 'eating better' thing and my current Starbucks location is so darn supportive, I'm going to switch. There are three within a mile of each other, so it's not like I have to travel far. I'll go to one where Morning Buns call to me and I can give in to my weakness without hearing that little "NO!" from across the counter. I'll spend my mornings happy, bun in hand, joyfully licking my fingers after I've consumed every last, sugary crumb, just slightly freaked out by the scary guy watching me do so. He's not going to interrupt my little bit of Heaven. And I won't talk to these Starbucks people. They won't be my friends. I won't tell them my silly stories. I won't friend them on FB. It will be strictly business. Mocha, Bun. Nothing more. Maybe a Peppermint Mocha for the season but nothing more. I can do it.
And if I can't, I can always go to My Starbucks, get my mocha and conversation and then go to the other location for the morning bun. Probably I'll get the bun first. They don't have many and they sell out quick.
See, if you just think things through, there's always a solution.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Fitness & Nutrition Principles of Carolyn
I've been working on this for some time...the exercise plan, that is. So I'm posting what I'm going to do...let's hope I have the gumption!
Fitness & Nutrition Principles
Fitness Principles
Cardio: 45-60 minutes six days a week (mix it up so as not to do the same type of cardio daily)
Weights: (see exercise plan below)
1.Three days of full body compound exercises supplemented with smaller muscle exercise in superset/cardio interval style with four sets of each exercise.
2.1 minute rest between sets
3.Keep a journal of progress
Nutrition Principles
1.Drink eight 8oz glasses of water daily (not including replenishing of water loss during work out)
2.Eat five small means every 2-3 hours
3.Eliminate sugars except for one snack daily
4.Maximum of 1200 calories daily (approximately 200 calories per meal plus sugar snack)
5.Eliminate soda
6.Eliminate whites (flour, bread, pasta) stick with whole grains only
7.Eat a protein and complex carb at each meal
8.Reduce processed foods as much as possible and increase veggies
9.Take multi-vitamin and calcium twice daily
10.Take Flaxseed or Fish oil daily
11.Keep a journal
Monday (approximately 45 minutes)
EXERCISE
Bench Press
Lunges
Crunches
Squats w/Bicep Curls
Military Press
Back Extension
Push Ups w/One Arm Raise
Plank
Dead Lifts
Wednesday (approximately 50 minutes)
EXERCISE
Bent-over Rows
V-Sits
Lunges w/Side Shoulder Raise
Captains Chair
Leg Press
Chest Press
Inner/Outer Thigh
Push Ups
Leg Extension
Oblique Twists
Friday (approximately 50 minutes)
EXERCISE
Cable Row
Walking Lunges
Tricep Pull Downs
Lat Pull Down
Barbell Shoulder Press
Cable Crunch (Abs)
Barbell Bicep Curls
Squats
Bent-Over Low Pulley Side Lateral
Leg Press
Fitness & Nutrition Principles
Fitness Principles
Cardio: 45-60 minutes six days a week (mix it up so as not to do the same type of cardio daily)
Weights: (see exercise plan below)
1.Three days of full body compound exercises supplemented with smaller muscle exercise in superset/cardio interval style with four sets of each exercise.
2.1 minute rest between sets
3.Keep a journal of progress
Nutrition Principles
1.Drink eight 8oz glasses of water daily (not including replenishing of water loss during work out)
2.Eat five small means every 2-3 hours
3.Eliminate sugars except for one snack daily
4.Maximum of 1200 calories daily (approximately 200 calories per meal plus sugar snack)
5.Eliminate soda
6.Eliminate whites (flour, bread, pasta) stick with whole grains only
7.Eat a protein and complex carb at each meal
8.Reduce processed foods as much as possible and increase veggies
9.Take multi-vitamin and calcium twice daily
10.Take Flaxseed or Fish oil daily
11.Keep a journal
Monday (approximately 45 minutes)
EXERCISE
Bench Press
Lunges
Crunches
Squats w/Bicep Curls
Military Press
Back Extension
Push Ups w/One Arm Raise
Plank
Dead Lifts
Wednesday (approximately 50 minutes)
EXERCISE
Bent-over Rows
V-Sits
Lunges w/Side Shoulder Raise
Captains Chair
Leg Press
Chest Press
Inner/Outer Thigh
Push Ups
Leg Extension
Oblique Twists
Friday (approximately 50 minutes)
EXERCISE
Cable Row
Walking Lunges
Tricep Pull Downs
Lat Pull Down
Barbell Shoulder Press
Cable Crunch (Abs)
Barbell Bicep Curls
Squats
Bent-Over Low Pulley Side Lateral
Leg Press
Diets DON'T work!
Really. I know this for a fact. Medical, scientific, personal fact. I can verify that every single diet I've tried has not worked. Temporarily? Maybe but I have not once kept the little weight I've lost off and yes, I've done what everyone else complains about...put on even more. So I'm done. D....O...N...E...DONE!
The Oxygen 10 lbs in 21 days? Sure, I'm sure I could lose the weight. Who wouldn't? You are required to eat so much fiber and drink so much water there's no way you can't lose weight. Then again, you'll spend that 21 days on the toilet and I guess you have to ask yourself, is it worth it?
Let's take a quick look at each diet I've tried...Oxygen's as mentioned above. South Beach. Atkins. Weight Watchers. NutriSystem (GROSS!) Suzanne Summers. Eat Clean Diet. Body For Life. The Zone. Flush the Fat. The Biggest Loser. Five Factor. I've even recently ordered the Acai berry and cleanse thing I've seen all over FB. (Yes, I've been THAT desperate!) So far, none (sans the last) have worked. To name a few...
Why? Because one cannot stay on a diet forever. So let's change the way we're looking at this.
Really, all of these (but a few really freaky diet ideas) have the same concepts in mind:
1. Eliminate whites (sugar, bread, flower, pasta, etc.)
2. Drink at least 8 8oz glasses of water daily
3. Eat veggies
4. Eat good fats
5. Eat five to six small means a day consisting of a complex carb and a lean protein, fish or chicken
7. Cut the sweets (goes into #1 but bears mentioning again!)
8. Exercise (weight bearing exercising and cardio exercise) at least 5 times weekly
9. Eliminate processed foods
10. Eliminate soda (diet and regular)
SIMPLE. Right? Should be except you have to have the want. You can't do anything without the want. And after the want, you have to have the gumption. Gumption is what makes a diet work.
Wanting is important. Gumption makes you ACT on the want. I want to lose weight. I want to be in the shape I was a few years ago. I want to feel better physically and mentally. I want to take better care of myself. But I've not had the gumption to follow through on it. I've certainly had the gumption to complain about it but that's about it.
So I've decided, with my personal training background and all of the research I've done on nutrition (I have almost every book ever written on it, trust me!) I am going to design MY OWN weight loss and better health program based on the 9 principles listed above and see how that works for me.
I've got a nutrition and weight training journal and I'm going to use it - including weigh myself and take those nasty photos that no one ever, ever wants anyone to see until they don't look like that anymore (except Jillian Michaels. She got rid of hers entirely. Wuss ass!)
I'm going to start designing the program today and I'm going to post the official Carolyn's Cut the Crap Better Health program on my blog. Then I'm going to track it - from the lies, to the motivations, to the screw ups, on this blog and HOPEFULLY I'll find this to be a successful route. Between us, (don't tell anyone else, please), I'm kind of tired of the lack of success.
Wish me luck!
The Oxygen 10 lbs in 21 days? Sure, I'm sure I could lose the weight. Who wouldn't? You are required to eat so much fiber and drink so much water there's no way you can't lose weight. Then again, you'll spend that 21 days on the toilet and I guess you have to ask yourself, is it worth it?
Let's take a quick look at each diet I've tried...Oxygen's as mentioned above. South Beach. Atkins. Weight Watchers. NutriSystem (GROSS!) Suzanne Summers. Eat Clean Diet. Body For Life. The Zone. Flush the Fat. The Biggest Loser. Five Factor. I've even recently ordered the Acai berry and cleanse thing I've seen all over FB. (Yes, I've been THAT desperate!) So far, none (sans the last) have worked. To name a few...
Why? Because one cannot stay on a diet forever. So let's change the way we're looking at this.
Really, all of these (but a few really freaky diet ideas) have the same concepts in mind:
1. Eliminate whites (sugar, bread, flower, pasta, etc.)
2. Drink at least 8 8oz glasses of water daily
3. Eat veggies
4. Eat good fats
5. Eat five to six small means a day consisting of a complex carb and a lean protein, fish or chicken
7. Cut the sweets (goes into #1 but bears mentioning again!)
8. Exercise (weight bearing exercising and cardio exercise) at least 5 times weekly
9. Eliminate processed foods
10. Eliminate soda (diet and regular)
SIMPLE. Right? Should be except you have to have the want. You can't do anything without the want. And after the want, you have to have the gumption. Gumption is what makes a diet work.
Wanting is important. Gumption makes you ACT on the want. I want to lose weight. I want to be in the shape I was a few years ago. I want to feel better physically and mentally. I want to take better care of myself. But I've not had the gumption to follow through on it. I've certainly had the gumption to complain about it but that's about it.
So I've decided, with my personal training background and all of the research I've done on nutrition (I have almost every book ever written on it, trust me!) I am going to design MY OWN weight loss and better health program based on the 9 principles listed above and see how that works for me.
I've got a nutrition and weight training journal and I'm going to use it - including weigh myself and take those nasty photos that no one ever, ever wants anyone to see until they don't look like that anymore (except Jillian Michaels. She got rid of hers entirely. Wuss ass!)
I'm going to start designing the program today and I'm going to post the official Carolyn's Cut the Crap Better Health program on my blog. Then I'm going to track it - from the lies, to the motivations, to the screw ups, on this blog and HOPEFULLY I'll find this to be a successful route. Between us, (don't tell anyone else, please), I'm kind of tired of the lack of success.
Wish me luck!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Up and Running (I hope!)
Things are sort of almost starting to get back to normal for me. I'm not quite sure what that means except that I'm beginning to feel like myself again so I figure that's got to be a good thing, right?
After my mom passed, I couldn't eat much. I lost a few pounds and sent a special thank you to my mom in Heaven. I'd told her that if the ending of a dating relationship could cause me to lose weight, certainly she could take a few pounds of mine with her went she passed. We laughed and smiled because she knew me well and knows how much I identify myself with my appearance.
The weight loss lasted a few days and then suddenly I found I was packing it on, by the minute it seemed. Daily I look up to Heaven and speak softly to my mom, saying things like, "CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS? COME ON ALREADY! WTF?" As always, she's probably just ignoring me.
It's medically proven that stress causes weight gain. Death of a parent certainly qualifies as a stress. Sitting on my butt for two months barely doing anything but breathe and eat because of that stress and the weight started piling on. I'm not fat. I'm actually not even 'over weight' (depending on what charts you view as correct) but I am unhappy with myself and unable to fit into my clothes.
I've struggled with my weight all of my life. Born half Italian, (the bottom half of me mostly) and German, I'm short and like to eat. Oh, and stubborn. So fixing this issue has not always been easy for me. Up until recently I really didn't struggle. I could eat whatever I wanted and exercise and then the weight would magically disappear. Then I hit 40 and that stopped. My metabolism took a dive and instead of losing weight, I gain, gain and gain. I workout. I gain. I cut my calories. I gain. I breathe. I gain. It's a vicious cycle of frustration and motivation and I haven't been able to figure out a solution.
I've not been writing down what I eat lately. Truthfully, I think I'm scared to. Maybe I'm better not knowing? Really then I have no right to complain. I have just found myself feeling that I deserve to eat what I want when I want it and I have a sorry addiction to Starbucks mochas. I can find any reason in the book to eat what I want and then I suffer the consequences and berate myself for it later. Is that the way to live?
Women all over the world, most bigger than me, commit to eating healthy and losing weight and THEY DO IT. What's my problem? What happened to my motivation? I was once a certified personal trainer. I KNOW what to do. I just choose not to do it and instead look for reasons outside of reality as to why it happens. I'm really starting to piss me off.
I've succumbed to Atkins, Zone, South Beach...you name it. Except the maple syrup thing. That's even too nasty for me. All of them work for a bit and then I gain the weight (and the dreaded more that everyone else talks about) back. Then I get frustrated and eat to make myself feel better. Obviously that's working for me, huh?
It's a matter of motivation. Where is mine? If someone who eats 5,000 calories a day can commit to eating 2,000 and do it, why can't I commit to eating fewer calories?
I have no more excuses. I've decided to try an eating plan (notice the choice of words here) for 21 days. If this plan, which is not easy and does not include any yummy things like chocolate, mochas or Mexican food, doesn't do what it's supposed to, then it's back to the doctor for a plethora of tests to see if something truly is wrong.
This new eating plan is Oxygen Mag's "Lose 10 lbs in 21 days". It was in their spring issue and I've read a lot of great things about it. So today was my first day.
I had a banana protein smoothie for breakfast. I did NOT have a mocha (though I did go to Starbucks and talk to a friend). For my snack, I had an apple. For lunch I had tuna, 1/2 cup of Jasmine rice and some lovely sauteed zucchini. I usually eat mine friend. I did travel off of the plan a bit - added olive oil to my zucchini (only because I don't know how to cook it so I just sauteed it) and I added 1 T of mayo (reduced fat) to the tuna. Everything can be tweaked, right?
So we'll see where this takes me. On September 30th I will weigh myself and see if I've lost weight. If I have, great. If not, then we'll set that doctors appt. I'm going to work very, very hard at not cheating and doing the right thing FOR ME because I deserve it. It's really just time to get over the excuses.
After my mom passed, I couldn't eat much. I lost a few pounds and sent a special thank you to my mom in Heaven. I'd told her that if the ending of a dating relationship could cause me to lose weight, certainly she could take a few pounds of mine with her went she passed. We laughed and smiled because she knew me well and knows how much I identify myself with my appearance.
The weight loss lasted a few days and then suddenly I found I was packing it on, by the minute it seemed. Daily I look up to Heaven and speak softly to my mom, saying things like, "CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS? COME ON ALREADY! WTF?" As always, she's probably just ignoring me.
It's medically proven that stress causes weight gain. Death of a parent certainly qualifies as a stress. Sitting on my butt for two months barely doing anything but breathe and eat because of that stress and the weight started piling on. I'm not fat. I'm actually not even 'over weight' (depending on what charts you view as correct) but I am unhappy with myself and unable to fit into my clothes.
I've struggled with my weight all of my life. Born half Italian, (the bottom half of me mostly) and German, I'm short and like to eat. Oh, and stubborn. So fixing this issue has not always been easy for me. Up until recently I really didn't struggle. I could eat whatever I wanted and exercise and then the weight would magically disappear. Then I hit 40 and that stopped. My metabolism took a dive and instead of losing weight, I gain, gain and gain. I workout. I gain. I cut my calories. I gain. I breathe. I gain. It's a vicious cycle of frustration and motivation and I haven't been able to figure out a solution.
I've not been writing down what I eat lately. Truthfully, I think I'm scared to. Maybe I'm better not knowing? Really then I have no right to complain. I have just found myself feeling that I deserve to eat what I want when I want it and I have a sorry addiction to Starbucks mochas. I can find any reason in the book to eat what I want and then I suffer the consequences and berate myself for it later. Is that the way to live?
Women all over the world, most bigger than me, commit to eating healthy and losing weight and THEY DO IT. What's my problem? What happened to my motivation? I was once a certified personal trainer. I KNOW what to do. I just choose not to do it and instead look for reasons outside of reality as to why it happens. I'm really starting to piss me off.
I've succumbed to Atkins, Zone, South Beach...you name it. Except the maple syrup thing. That's even too nasty for me. All of them work for a bit and then I gain the weight (and the dreaded more that everyone else talks about) back. Then I get frustrated and eat to make myself feel better. Obviously that's working for me, huh?
It's a matter of motivation. Where is mine? If someone who eats 5,000 calories a day can commit to eating 2,000 and do it, why can't I commit to eating fewer calories?
I have no more excuses. I've decided to try an eating plan (notice the choice of words here) for 21 days. If this plan, which is not easy and does not include any yummy things like chocolate, mochas or Mexican food, doesn't do what it's supposed to, then it's back to the doctor for a plethora of tests to see if something truly is wrong.
This new eating plan is Oxygen Mag's "Lose 10 lbs in 21 days". It was in their spring issue and I've read a lot of great things about it. So today was my first day.
I had a banana protein smoothie for breakfast. I did NOT have a mocha (though I did go to Starbucks and talk to a friend). For my snack, I had an apple. For lunch I had tuna, 1/2 cup of Jasmine rice and some lovely sauteed zucchini. I usually eat mine friend. I did travel off of the plan a bit - added olive oil to my zucchini (only because I don't know how to cook it so I just sauteed it) and I added 1 T of mayo (reduced fat) to the tuna. Everything can be tweaked, right?
So we'll see where this takes me. On September 30th I will weigh myself and see if I've lost weight. If I have, great. If not, then we'll set that doctors appt. I'm going to work very, very hard at not cheating and doing the right thing FOR ME because I deserve it. It's really just time to get over the excuses.
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