Today is my second day away from Facebook. I decided to leave for Lent. I'm not Catholic but some Christians do practice Lent so I figured, what the heck. Yesterday I bored off my @$$.
I don't spend a lot of time 'on' Facebook but I have it on my phone, my itouch and my computer so it's easily accessible and if I get an email notification, I can quickly check, respond and feel like I've done something. Something useless and unimportant but something, none the less. I didn't realize the 50 or so emails a day from Facebook took up as much time as they did because yesterday I thought I was going to crawl out of my skin from boredom.
Keep in mind I had many things to do. I still need to finish the trim on the cabinets. Repaint the doors throughout the house. Finish painting the closet doors in the guest room. I could clean windows, steam clean my stairs, organize my soon to be sold jewelry supplies. I could do many things but yesterday I decided to watch it pour buckets on the metro Atlanta area out my big picture windows and complain to myself about being bored. Totally. Wasted. Day.
If I have another one of those I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose my mind.
I don't often do sitting still and doing nothing well. Losing both of my parents threw a monstrous kink in that theory for quite some time but my body and my mind have started to get back on track and I can literally feel my need to do something. Anything. I've felt the anxiety stirring in my gut. That feeling of 'if I don't move, I'm going to explode'. Maybe you get that, too? Maybe not. But I do and it's intense at times. Crawling out of my skin and exploding are not feel good things for me.
I did manage to get to the gym yesterday, something I've focused on doing every day this week and am confident will continue. I've missed it. It was me for a long time and then it wasn't and not only does my body show that but my mental state does, too. I've already noticed the difference in my appearance from the gym and the lack of refined carbs and sugars for 10 days so far and it motivates me to keep going. I love that motivation. I've missed it. So while I went to the gym yesterday, nothing else jumped out at me, screaming, "Pick me! Pick me!" and I picked nothing but couch sitting. Yuck. It was not fun.
Today I got up at 6 AM and decided that, since I was up, I'd go ahead and get my morning Starbucks and head to the gym earlier. I'm afraid if I wait, I'll change my mind, which has happened so often in the past. I had planned to do only cardio and thought 45 minutes would be good. Right now I'm mostly doing the elliptical because I'm old and my bursitis acts up when I walk and I'm not quite ready to spin daily again just yet. I hate the elliptical. It's so booorinnng. After 25 minutes I decided I'd hop off at 30 and sit on a bike because I really felt like sitting down. Thirty minutes came and I didn't have as big of an urge to sit so I actually talked myself (easily, too, surprisingly) into another 15 minutes. Fifteen came and went and then I had to make myself get off at an hour.
Who is this person taking over my motivation and can she please stay forever? I'm sort of liking her.
Admittedly, I was shocked that I decided to stay on for an hour. Silly as it sounds, cardio alone is boring as best and I have to work hard to resist the unmotivated Carolyn on my right shoulder whispering in my ear to get off and go eat something yummy. I'd listen to the motivating Carolyn on my other shoulder (maybe) but she's non-existent. I didn't even feel her today. Instead, I felt as if I didn't really want to get off and leave. I didn't really want to get off the elliptical and leave. I'm giggling as I type that because it's so darn funny to me! I guess the point is is that I feel like that's a good thing and tomorrow when I'm cursing that 25 minute mark, I'm going to remember that. Oh, and it doesn't help that there was a great song on my itouch at that time, too.
So today, I feel good.
Not going to do any of the painting and such I listed earlier because I felt so nasty sweaty after my hour of cardio I decided to shower right away and actually applied make up so instead I'm going out. Once I figure out what that means, I'm sure I'll feel busy and not want to crawl out of my skin. Maybe. I do suspect however, next week I'll be a painting crazy woman. Yippee.
(Insert clever change of subject lead in here...because I got nothing!)
Lately I've felt like I've been shut up. Hushed might be a better word, actually. Not that someone in particular is telling me to shut up or stop me from talking, more like what I have to say isn't all that important and I've just stopped, more or less. Some might argue that point, however. It's frustrated me and when I'm frustrated I feel tense and irritable and just no fun to be around. I think part of why I like Facebook is I can spit out a few things and feel like I've had my say in something, regardless of whether anyone cares or not. I don't think it made me feel important but for me, words are valuable and to not feel like I can use them makes me one cranky bitch. I thought about that and this blog and decided it's a good place to 'use my words' and if someone decides to read them, then hey, all the better. We'll see if I can be more consistent with it.
Time to eat. I'm hearing my stomach make sounds and if I don't shut it up with something healthy, I fear the little nasty Carolyn on my shoulder will come out.
Peace.
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