A Poem About Gaining Weight

I've been gaining weight. That's what happens when you eat large amounts of food and don't exercise. I actually enjoy exercising but since my mom passed, I just haven't felt like doing any of the things that were important to me before. Except eating, of course. Eating is more important to me than it used to be.

The good news is that I've figured out what I'm doing and I've not gained THAT much weight that I can't fix the problem. The bad news is that I still just don't give a crap enough to do what I need to do.

See my problem?

I've thought about major full-body lipo but that's quite costly and with my husband starting a new business, probably not the smartest decision. I've prayed for thin thighs and then I gained four pounds. Really? I'm sure there's a message in there somewhere but I fail to see it right now.

I've given myself until Monday. On Monday if my lazy butt isn't back at the gym on a regular basis and if my mouth isn't closed past 1400 calories (yes, that number is correct, keep your panties on) then I'm going to duct tape it shut and lock myself in my gym overnight.

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

In light of my weight gain, I searched online for weight gain poems. I found one I enjoyed by Barbara Warnock. I'm copying it here because it's a joy to read.

Hopefully Monday you'll read a post about my wonderful work out and how sore I am.

Here's Barbara's poem.


"I'll start a new one Monday", we've heard it all before,
but if I don't really start one soon I won't make it through the door.

I start with good intentions of that I can't deny,
I'm getting fatter by the hour, I'll really have to try.

So no more chips or chocolate, no more 'pigging out'
I'll be very careful of what I eat, of that there'll be no doubt.

I'll watch my waist get tiny, I'll watch my figure thin,
Oh what a joy it's going to be to at last be nice and slim.

I can see me walking down the street in dress size number ten,
(from Carolyn: NOOOO!!! 4!)
I just have to resist and resist I will when I get a hungry yen.

With exercise in every form and regular daily jogs,
you'll see me lazing by the pool in my top designer togs.

So come join me all you tubbies, come join with me at last,
I'll need all the help that I can get to get me through this fast.

If you see me eating lollies or sneaking greasy fries,
then smack my hand and click your tongue, remind me of my size.

I'm sure that I can make it, I just need a little space
before Monday comes around again, till then I'll "stuff my face"!